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Ja maar? JA EN!

Posted on 1 October, 2016 at 22:20

Ken je dat? Ben je in gesprek met iemand over een interessant onderwerp. Hoor je steeds dat woordje ‘maar’ tussen alle regels door. Letterlijk tussen alle regels door. Want het woord wordt altijd midden in een zin gebruikt. En weet je wat daar zo jammer aan is? Het breekt al het positieve dat daarvoor gezegd is helemaal af. Al krijg je het grootste compliment van de wereld, als daarop een ‘maar’ volgt, dan ben je dat al snel vergeten. Het woord ‘maar ‘ zorgt in veel gevallen voor een gevoel van irritatie. Voor een gevoel van niet gehoord worden. In het woordenboek staat het volgende:


maar (voegwoord): ‘tegenwerping, introduceert een zin(sdeel) dat het voorgaande tegenspreekt of er mee contrasteert.’


Bijvoorbeeld op school:

“Je hebt ontzettend hard gewerkt, maar je moet wel iets netter schrijven.”


Verschillende onderzoek wijzen uit dat het woordje ‘maar’ een grote impact heeft op het menselijk brein. We vergeten hetgeen er vóór het woord ‘maar ‘ gezegd is al gauw. Terwijl de zin die er opvolgt blijft hangen in ons hoofd. In dit geval vergeet het kind dat het een compliment krijgt over het harde werken. Hoe jammer is dat?

Mag je het woord ‘maar’ dan niet meer gebruiken? Natuurlijk wel. Let alleen op de volgorde van de zin.


…POSITIEVE BOODSCHAP…, MAAR… NEGATIEVE BOODSCHAP  -->  NIET DOEN! Gebruik in dit geval het woordje EN. En verpak het als sandwich: 

 

“Je hebt ontzettend hard gewerkt en als je de volgende keer iets netter schrijft, is het helemaal geweldig.”


Bovenste boterham: hard werken 

Beleg: netter schrijven (ofwel een kritische noot)

Onderste boterham: geweldig

   


En andersom dan?

…NEGATIEVE BOODSCHAP…, MAAR… POSITIEVE BOODSCHAP


Bijvoorbeeld:

“De breuken sommen vind je nog lastig, maar de spellingsafspraken beheers je al goed!”


De positieve boodschap blijft hangen. Als dat je bedoeling is, dan maak je gebruik van het woordje ‘maar. Als het je bedoeling is om de minder leuke boodschap goed door te laten dringen bij de ander, laat ‘maar’ en de zin die erop volgt dan achterwege. Geef de ander tijd om de negatieve boodschap te verwerken en erop te reageren door een stilte te laten vallen.


Wat is de boodschap van bovenstaande? Wees je bewust van de impact van het woord ‘maar’. Twijfel je? Laat het dan weg en vervang het voor EN. Probeer het maar eens!

 

 

 

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